FuzzyCoT

A friend of mine wrote a review of the new Bust-A-Move Bash! for the Nintendo Wii and emailed it out to a few of us. For a variety of reasons, he doesn't want his name attached to it, but I think it's a great review and I wanted to share it. Also, there's tons of swearing in the review, so it's after the jump...

Do not buy this game.

Art: 2
Come on, take more than 3 minutes or stop just copying the art from every previous version.

Effects: 1
Come the F on. Seriously? Did you have someone assigned to it at all? A monkey could have done better with this game. A dumb monkey.

Sound: 0
Do you hate us? What are those 15 second loops of freakishly annoying music? I had to turn the sound OFF completely to play longer than 10 minutes. I enjoyed listening to episodes of CSI in the background more than your fucking audio. It fit better, too. And did anyone play this game and notice the music and sound effects were horribly balanced? And this dumb ass game is 10 times louder than any other Wii game? Thanks, Ray Charles.

UI: negative 5
I cannot exit out of any mode? Reset the Whole Wii or lose, eh? Fuck you. What am I selecting if I select "this"? Who the fuck knows? No one. No idea what is going on in the menu and randomly hideous menus from Coleco level art. Thanks for caring a negative amount. You have to DECIDE to do something this stupid and bad, this type of thing doesn't happen on accident.

Multiplayer: -1
How does this work!?!?! Fuck you! I have no idea how to WIN. Nothing I do seems to matter. I played my girlfriend four times and we each won twice, the last three times she wasn't looking at the screen and just hitting random buttons. She won two, I won two. Neither of us ever knew what the fuck was going on or how we could do better. Fuck off. Again, it is like you were TRYING to do something that would piss me off.

Gameplay: 5
Fine, it's Bust-A-Move. No different than ANY Bust-A-Move EVER. Thanks for taking one second to think about doing something new, and if you say multiplayer I will punch you in the dick.

Controller: 6
I say 6 because it fits perfectly to this game, but you didn’t care. This should have been a 10 easily, but again you didn’t bother to polish this at all. The implementation looks like you gave it to an 8 year old (possibly monkey) as even they could get this simple implementation right. It is good, yes. Not complex. But randomly it does something odd for no reason. Take two fucking minutes, dick.

Fun: 10
Yes. Despite your efforts to piss me the fuck off, I played this addictively for hours on end until I was able to get through your annoying as fuck interface and I think play all of the levels (250?), I still not sure if I did play them all considering your UI. I was angry the whole time. Friends asked me what I was playing, and I erupted about this travesty, and then I went back to playing. This could have been great, but you completely fucked it up. Why do you hate me? Thanks for making 8 hours of playing your game angry as all shit, angry at myself for fighting to play it, angry at you for not giving a shit.

Overall Score: 3
Fuck you Majesco. Fuck you very much. This could have been a hit if you'd simply cared about anything. Fuck you in your syphilitic asshole.